What sets truly exceptional leaders apart from the rest? Is it their technical expertise, sharp intellect, or ability to solve complex problems?
According to Rutgers psychologist Daniel Goleman, while these traits are “entry-level requirements for executive positions,” they aren’t definitive markers of leadership excellence. Rather, the most effective leaders are all alike in one crucial way: they all have a high degree of emotional intelligence.
The truth is, emotional intelligence isn’t just a nice-to-have trait; it’s a must-have. Leaders with high emotional intelligence are better equipped to manage their own stress and burnout, build workplace relationships, and nurture high-performing teams.
Yet, it’s a skill that’s often overlooked—especially in traditional business schools, where the focus tends to remain on strategy, finance, and management theories. In this article, we’ll explore the five key components of emotional intelligence and how mastering these can make you a more effective leader.
5 components of emotional intelligence
1. Self-awareness
Self-awareness is the degree to which you are conscious of and understand your own thoughts, feelings, and motivations. Self-awareness gives you clarity about your strengths and weaknesses, as well as your values and beliefs. This insight helps to guide both your personal growth and professional development.
A self-aware leader also recognises patterns in their responses. For example, do you find yourself becoming overly critical of others when you’re under tight deadlines? Or perhaps you notice a tendency to avoid confrontation when dealing with difficult team dynamics. Identifying these patterns allows you to address unhelpful behaviours with intention rather than simply reacting on autopilot.
Tip: Naming and express your emotions
A simple acknowledgement like, “I feel frustrated right now,” can be a powerful starting point. The more descriptive and specific you are, the better. For example, you might say, “I feel frustrated because my team might miss the deadline.”
Next, ask yourself why you feel the way you do. For example, do you feel frustrated because you worry about being perceived as ineffective? Identifying the root cause of your frustration allows you to shift from simply reacting to taking constructive action, such as presenting a transparent update on your team’s progress, along with a plan for getting back on track.
2. Self-regulation
Self-regulation is the ability to manage your feelings and behaviors in challenging situations. It’s about controlling the emotions and impulses you’ve developed over the years—starting in childhood, shaped through adolescence, and carried into adulthood.
It’s natural to experience strong reactions in stressful moments, but self-regulation creates a buffer between your emotions and your actions. This gives you time to consider responses that can improve relationships and minimise negative social repercussions, rather than being driven by the heat of the moment.
Tip: STOP—a 4-step technique
1. Stop: By simply taking a brief pause, you create a moment of space between the trigger and your reaction. This is essential for shifting from a reactive to a thoughtful response.
2. Take a deep breath: Focus on the sensation of inhaling and exhaling. This calms the nervous system, reducing the intensity of the emotion and allowing you to regain control over your body’s physical reactions
3. Observe: Observe your thoughts, feelings, and the environment objectively. What’s going through your mind? Are you feeling angry or hurt? What’s going on around you? Doing so without judgement (i.e. “I shouldn’t be angry”) helps you detach from the emotional charge of the situation.
4. Proceed mindfully: Now, with a clearer mind and a calmer body, you can proceed mindfully. Ask yourself, “What is the most productive way to handle this situation?”
Whether it’s taking a moment to express your feelings calmly, asking for clarification, or simply choosing not to respond at all, this step allows you to act in alignment with your values and goals.
3. Motivation
Being a leader at work often comes with a promotion and pay increase, but while external rewards like recognition and financial incentives can drive performance, they are rarely enough to sustain long-term motivation.
As a leader, it’s crucial to tap into your intrinsic motivations—the internal drivers that fuel you. For instance, you might be motivated by the desire to make a meaningful impact, to support others in their growth, or to contribute to a cause. These intrinsic motivations are more personal and fulfilling than external rewards, and they have a lasting impact on both your performance and overall satisfaction.
Especially during challenging times, intrinsic motivation keeps you grounded in your values and goals. For example, if you’re leading a team through a difficult sustainability project, your intrinsic drive to contribute to a cause you believe in can help you push through setbacks and stay committed to the bigger picture.
Tip: Reflect on what matters to you
Coaching can help you to reflect on your personal values, your sense of purpose, and what excites you about leadership. It involves asking questions like:
- What motivates me to show up and give my best every day?
- What is the bigger purpose behind my work, beyond just meeting deadlines or achieving financial targets?
- How can I set goals that align with my values and keep me focused on the long-term vision?
4. Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and appreciate the perspectives of others. It goes beyond simply being kind or sympathetic—it involves truly engaging with your team members, seeing the world through their eyes, and acknowledging their feelings and experiences.
There are three key components of empathy:
- Engaging: This involves actively interacting with your team, especially those from different backgrounds and experiences. Understanding their individual needs, concerns, and motivations leads to more effective collaboration.
- Putting yourself in others’ shoes: By imagining what your team members are experiencing—whether it’s a tight deadline, personal challenges, or workplace frustration—you can respond with more understanding.
- Learning: Empathy also involves paying close attention to non-verbal cues such as body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. These subtle signs help you understand how your team members are feeling, even if they aren’t voicing it directly.
Tip: Active listening
One of the most powerful tools for cultivating empathy is active listening. To practise active listening, don’t just listen to respond—listen to understand. Some key techniques include:
- Maintaining eye contact during the conversation to show that you’re fully engaged.
- Asking open-ended questions that encourage the other person to share more.
- Paraphrasing what they’ve said to confirm understanding. (e.g. “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed with the project deadline. Can you tell me more about what’s contributing to that stress?”)
- Validating their emotions by acknowledging how they feel. (e.g. “I can understand why that would be upsetting. It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot.”)
5. Interpersonal skills
Interpersonal skills are our abilities to build and maintain meaningful relationships with others. By improving your interpersonal skills, you can better support your team, inspire commitment, and create psychological safety at work.
One key aspect of interpersonal skills is positive body language. Non-verbal cues such as smiling, maintaining eye contact, and having an open posture can make you appear more approachable and engaged. For example, crossing your arms may unintentionally signal defensiveness, making it harder for team members to feel comfortable approaching you.
Another critical component is taking a genuine interest in your team members. Rather than always focusing on your own thoughts or ideas, make an effort to ask questions and learn about the experiences, challenges, and perspectives of your employees. People appreciate managers who show curiosity and truly listen.
Tip: Perfect small talk
Small talk gets a bad rap, but it’s an indispensable tool for leaders to bridge the power gap and build rapport with their team. Casual conversations can pave the way for deeper discussions and help both parties feel more at ease.
Here are a few tips to help you master small talk with your team:
- Find common ground: Look for shared interests or experiences, such as discussing the event you’re attending.
- Keep it light: Stick to neutral topics like hobbies, movies, or travel—avoid heavy subjects such as politics or religion.
- Know when to wrap up: End the conversation gracefully with something like, “It was great talking to you. Hope we can chat again soon.”
Becoming a leader with emotional intelligence
Becoming an emotionally intelligent leader is an ongoing process, one that requires continuous growth in self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and interpersonal skills. As you refine these qualities, you evolve from simply holding a leadership position to becoming a leader who inspires, connects, and empowers others to achieve success.
